You Can’t Help Everyone

I drove down Lomita Blvd and started thinking about Derek. Derek Wu used to play the violin, he might still be playin, don’t really know. I can’t remember when I saw him last. He was an intresting kid. He played the violin like a madman. I still remember him playing in every elementary school talent show we had. His glasses never flew off as his head jerked around with fury. He was so tiny too, almost the smallest boy in the class.

I remember one year, for his science project, he studied compact discs and how they stored information and how the information was read. This was in 6th grade. I think my science project was about Ocelots. I even made a mug that said SAVE THE OCELOTS. I think I can safely say that we were all no competition for Derek.

I was thinking about him today. I wonder what he is doing now. What school is he going to? What does he look like now? Then, I started thinking about my own life, and how average it is. I’ve never done anything exceptionally well, I don’t have any special talents. I have nothing. It’s depressing. I don’t want to go through life being average. Then I started thinking about all the other average people in the world and it made me even more depressed. I’m just like everybody, I’m passively conforming.

As I made a left at the green arrow from Lomita to Crenshaw I saw a man pushing his car around the corner. I was going to stop to let him into the lane but that would leave me and the other cars behind me in the intersection.
I kept driving.
Thinking about it further I figured since I didn’t have to be anywhere right away the least I could do would be to park my car and help him push. If it were me I’d definitely want the help, then again if it were me, I’d call triple A. This was my chance to do something meaningful.

I pulled into Torrance Crossroads and parked my car, walked over to him and asked if he needed help. He shook his head and said “Nah, that’s okay”, I even offered my cell phone if he needed to call somebody but he declined my offer. I guess he just wanted to do it on his own.

I Can’t Go With The Flow

It’s so safe to play along
Falling in an out of love
I want a new mistake
Loose is more than hesitate
Do you believe it in your head?

How do you make a decision? How can you move on when you are so comfortable and set in your ways? Nobody wants to be alone, and if you don’t have to be why would you choose it? I mean yes, I’m single but I don’t have to be….so why am I still single?

It would be easier to get back with someone than find someone new. Wouldn’t it? I don’t have to be by myself and I keep fighting something that comes so willingly and easily. It’s like a piece of cake that I don’t want but I don’t turn it down. It’s handed to me on a plate, a platter even, and I’m being begged to take it, and I do, but I’m nibbling at this one while I look for another piece. It’s not fair, but it’s not a secret and it’s what I’m doing, and every now and then I stop to think about it.

This is what I think about these days, and why I fight it, and why I would want it. The answers…well, they aren’t coming to me. I want to just give up the fight sometimes and let it be, but then I think “How sad would that be?” To go back to how it was? Things end for a reason and no matter how nice it feels it’s still going to be the same.

Modern Love for Modern Lovers

flurried feathers fall on Sundays
diamond flashes blind like sun rays
meetings in and out like tides
lovers stay another night

modern love for modern lovers
does someone special
erase all others?

quiet ones make smart remarks
expose their souls, only after dark
while secret glances give silent warnings
the truth is hidden again by morning

modern love for modern lovers
does someone special
erase all others?

time is in its adolescence
broken hearts are hard learned lessons
a regular occurrence in past and present
deceivers’ hearts hold no lament

modern love for modern lovers
you’ve found someone special
but there’s still time for others

Journal Poetry Day

I couldn’t find any recent poems but I found one that I wrote when I was 8, after I watched a PBS special about Emily Dickinson

Book of Horrors
I dare not read it
I dare not read the Book of Horrors
For if I do
The devil below will come and take me away
Angels above will not save me.
For if I do
I will find myself in the cemetery
The wolves will howl on the darkest night
So
I dare not read it
For if I do
Will see a ghost or two
Rising from the graves
Just like a funeral for me
And
I will look back and see my own stone reading
“Mitzi Young 1983-1991
Murdered, found in the cemetery”
and it might even happen to you!

I know, I was a pretty creepy little kid.

A Lesson For You

did you know
discreet = prudent, unnoticeable
and
discrete = separate or distinct?

also
fortunate = lucky (obviously)
but fortuitous = by chance, accidental….not related to fortunate

Anyone who says “ATM machine” (automatic teller machine machine?) or “PIN number” should be shot. Also, “free gift”… what’s that about? A gift should be free by definition.

tortuous = winding, crooked
torturous = unpleasant, painful (think “torture”)
don’t mix those up kids.

I’m a freak.