I took a quiz this morning to see if I am a compulsive buyer…turns out I am. I really could have just told myself that but I just wanted to check by answering obvious questions on the internet.
“They” say that compulsive buying is a disorder and addiction much like alcoholism and smoking cigarettes. “They” say I am trying to fulfill a need – or something along the lines of trying to fix myself using methods that are “destructive.”
So what isn’t abnormal or “acceptable” behavior nowadays?
I wouldn’t say it’s uncontrollable but then again I suppose I’ve never tried to control it. I do feel the need to sell some of my things because I’ve been buying so much. Does that offset any addiction indicators? I would guess there are varying degrees of this disorder, I would say that I fall into having mild compulsive buying disorder.
That is actually a little depressing. It’s not enough that I am indecisive but as it turns out I am never any one thing completely. I’m not depressed enough to actually need medication for it (I don’t think so anyway). I’m not enough of a shopaholic to get myself into a lot of trouble – which isn’t really that bad of a thing I guess. I’m not Chinese enough, according to my mom – I don’t know what she wants me to do, maybe only speak to people in Chinese? Only wear traditional silk Chinese dresses? Tattoo “Chinese” across my forehead?
If I think about it too much it makes me sad to think that I am just mediocre at everything. Not substantial at anything enough to be recognized for it. Not even bad enough at anything to be recognized. Then I start to think “So what? Why should you be any one thing or any one but who you want to be?” And then I feel better. (see this is how I can tell I am not really suffering from depression)
Anyway, back to shopaholicism. I’m not in so deep that I can’t dig myself out. So I guess I just need to realize I am spending too much money and cut it the fuck out. Or I can make money in some other way to balance out the expenditures.
This is the part where I get a hot tip from a friend or relative about some kind of contest where the prize money is just the amount I need to “buy back the farm.” So, what’ll it be? Talent Show? Dog Show? Dodgeball championship? Special Olympics?
