I feel that I have the desire, a very strong desire, to do something great. And I don’t even know what but SOMETHING and it has to be great. But I lack the drive. Is that even possible? To have the desire but not actually do anything? Maybe that’s a contradiction. If I have a desire, and my desire was as strong as I say (or think), I would actually be making things happen. I’d be DOING something.
So, what’s holding me back? I guess that’s really the question. The right one anyway. Laziness? Fear of failure? Fear of hardwork? Which I suppose is the same as laziness.
I think what I really miss is the opportunity to not have anything to think about. I think being in college was when I did my best thinking, my best growing…
I think I attribute that to having so much free time. Free time to slack off and not use my brain for anything but selfish thoughts. These thoughts were mostly about my life. I thought a lot about who I was, how I got where I was and who/where I wanted to be and how to get there.
It’s possible that there’s a time and place for that kind of thinking and college is where it should all be done. But (and I don’t think this is any secret for anyone who knows me) I like to challenge expectations. What if I did this kind of thinking now? When I’m 26 years aged? What would happen then? How would I get to do that? Obviously I need to make money, I spend about 8-9 hours a day using my brain to… no, I spend 8-9 hours a day loaning my brain out to my employers, during this time my brain is working for them and not for me.