Listening to: Ellie Goulding
I’m finding myself missing my miserable college years because I’m slowly realizing that was when I felt the most free and most hopeful I had ever/have ever felt in my life.
Now, I’ll go ahead and explain that last statement. I spent two years in San Francisco going to college and being out on my own (read: away from overly protective parents). I thought “Hell yeah, I’m going to get wild and cray-zee!” However, at some point in those two years I went through one of those life changing events that leads to epiphanies and soul searching, that kind of shit. I (slowly and painfully) broke up with my first serious boyfriend. For reals break up, guys, instead of being “on a break” (which is only really a thing for those in denial) I ended up breaking ties for good at some point in those two years.
It was painful (as young, emo break ups usually are) but it was also a great time in my life for feeling so low that “up” was the only direction in which I could head. I was around one of the most supportive group of friends that one could ask for. All my new college friends were all so positive and supportive in an introspective and enlightening way which was what I needed. You know, as opposed to the “get over it by going out and partying your worries away” kind of way. I don’t know why I thought I would be a partier in college, I never was one of those people in high school or elementary school. Sad emo kid was my forté, I should have known that old habits are hard to break.
Also, I don’t know if you’re aware but being a full time college student means you are taking 15 hours worth of classes per week. Compare this to a 40 hour work week. That’s 25+ hours to mess around and do NOTHING. What that? Studying? Oh yeah, so let’s dedicate an additional 5-7 hours a week to “working”. (Can you just imagine what my GPA was? I really don’t remember but I do have a Bachelor’s Degree now so couldn’t have been that bad.)
Anyway, I had a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts, because my friends were all working or studying. My thoughts led me to a lot of clichés like:”The world is your oyster” (So slurp it? Throw some lemon juice on it?) and “Nowhere to go but up.” I spent a lot of time wandering around San Francisco thinking deep thoughts about my life, what I did wrong, what could have been so right, etc. Looking back on it now, it was fun, it was a good time, and I think I’d rather be there than where I am now: working until 9:30 pm at a job that I don’t love. I wish I had that amount of time to think and be alone with my thoughts instead of thinking up to-do lists and reminders about things that need to get done but not having enough time to do them and eat/sleep/live.
