Shit just got real.

All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way

So pack light

-Erykah Badu

My head hurts and I feel like this is all too hard and I can’t do it anymore.

and yet I still just… do it, not in the Nike way. I continue to just go through it like I know what I’m doing. I seem to just follow all the right steps and things are “working,” somewhere between bearable, depressing, and optimistic. yes, it’s a triangle, not a line.

trying doesn’t help. crying doesn’t help. I’m too afraid to stop. What if I stopped this train all of a sudden and it derailed? There would be a big mess. How would I get the train back on the rails? Then I’d be sorry. Then, I know the ball would get stuck in a corner of the aforementioned triangle.

I know I’m the only one who can save me. I know I’m the only one who can fix this. I’m the only one who can make a decision. I can only count on myself. Only me, ’cause in my life there is only me.

But it just got harder.

Don’t tell me life ain’t easy, I already know. I know it can get worse, I know it can get better. I know, I know.