Author: Mitzi

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See The World

I’ve decided I want to study abroad…or study ablad, as my mom says.

I’m considering the UK, either London or Swansea in Wales, maybe American Business School in Paris or a Univ. in Melbourne, Australia. I don’t know how economically possible this would be…or possible at all. I’ve only looked at some information on the website and narrowed down countries with participating schools. I need to attend a meeting tomorrow after I get out of work.

I’m quite excited about it but I don’t know if this will be like the time I tried to plan a trip to London for Spring Break and got all the information but stopped short at buying tickets and a bed at a hostel…or if it will be like me applying to go to school up here in San Francisco and actually moving from Los Angeles.

I think that moving up here has led me to believe that no matter where I end up I will have fun and survive. Hopefully that is the case. I’ve been thinking about pulling out my roots and floating into the wind a lot lately…to New York mostly. I don’t know why I feel this way. Was it watching a Felicity marathon on Sunday night that made me feel this way? Perhaps it was the feeling which urged me to put the DVD in and watch the story of another girl’s trek across the country. Maybe I’m searching for something. I guess San Francisco was my first baby step. What I’m searching for I really don’t know…so how will I know when I find it? I guess it’s like they say, “When you know you’ll know.” I keep telling people I’m trying to find myself…but I don’t really know what in myself is missing.

At this point I can only think of one thing that is missing and that is the love I have lost. I think that was my anchor and now that the rope has been severed my boat floats freely and will travel…but every boat must dock somewhere.

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Rhapsody in Blue

Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue has this weird affect on me. It makes me feel nostalgic and think back on the days when I was young. It reminds me of the cool tile of my parent’s master bathroom. It makes me think of lazy Saturdays.

Or family vacations, like the one we took to Hawaii when I was too young to remember anything except buying one of those pearl oysters from the sidewalk stands. I had the pearl put onto a whale’s tale necklace for good luck. I remember being really sad when I lost it in the shower. I think it went down the drain. Just the pearl, not the whole necklace.

The strange thing is that I can’t remember why Rhapsody in Blue would evoke these memories. I really like the feeling it brings, which may be why I’ve had it stuck in my head for the past week. It’s just…odd.

I know they have airline commercials featuring this song nowadays. Did they used to? Can anyone remember if Delta used it? My mom and I used to fly Delta all the time. I was in the airline kids club. I’d get the newsletter from Dusty the aviator Lion. I had special meals when I flew. I got the little Delta wings pin.

It’s a good feeling. I sound like rain man. Yeah, I like it. Good feeling. It’s good.

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Moving On To Higher Ground

Julie is back. Adrienne is coming back this weekend. Fall semester will be starting up again and I will be working at the bookstore (even if it is temporary). I’ll meet some new people. People will be moving into the building soon meaning more parties and whatnot.

I need to start a new future, a new life. He fucked up the situation and meh, sucks for him and any other girls who happen to believe him or in him like I did. It really is a fucking shame though.

I can go back to my plan. I’ll move on and I’m starting today. I’m taking care of ME.

pictures on computer – deleted
phone numbers – deleted
photos – hidden and locked away

Let the malice begin.

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The Truth Comes Out

Daniel called me this morning at 2 or maybe it was 3, either way I was too groggy to look at the clock. He sounds really sad, I can tell because he kept telling me how much he loves me and not to ever forget that. That prompted me to ask if he was ok because it sounded like he was about to go off and rob a bank or something.

I wish he had just moved up here when I asked him to…I don’t know for sure if he would be better off than he is now but it couldn’t be any worse, plus we would at least have each other. I’m making a mix tape (CD really) for him right now, like that is going to make things better.

6:30AM 7/20/04
Well Daniel isn’t as bad as I thought he was because he apparently kissed some girl. I don’t know if this should bother me or not. On one hand he’s saying that if he is “with someone” he wants to be able to be with them. Then right after that he’s saying that he wants to be with me but I’m too far away, but he loves me and yadda.