Author: Mitzi

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The One Thing I Miss The Most

On Saturday night I was back in my hometown and I fell asleep next to the boy. I woke up and I was thinking:

“I miss this, I miss this so much and I will not get to have this for a very, very long time. Tomorrow I will be going back to S.F. and away from everything I grew up with, everyone I grew up loving.”

I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to give up the comfortable, familiar love of home. Home is so much more than just a word for me, it’s my world. Like everything that is not home is a vacation, even if I move it will not be “home”. Like now, where I am right now, this is not home.

I miss Daniel most of all, out of everything. Being in my room, it didn’t even feel like my room so much. I mean it felt like my house which is home, but I could bear to leave, but Daniel’s bedroom…I wanted to stay there forever

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Sisters?

I feel so out of touch with everyone at home. I don’t understand how I can make people at home realize that I need to be here now and that I’m trying to experience life here, meet people and what not.

Speaking of, my roommate wants me to rush a sorority with her. It’s totally not my thing. I can’t be social around people all the time. I mean without being weird. I think that I have an odd, childish personality at times and I think that other people are not used to it…or maybe they might find me immature, I don’t know.

Anyways, I think I might be starting my period soon because I kinda blew up at her today about joining a sorority. I started talking very loudly about how that’s not the kind of person I am and that I can’t stand those people. Thinking back on it now I think that generalizing people like that is something that i really dislike of others and I am disappointed that I was so quick to judge people I didn’t even know yet. So maybe I will attend the open house with her next Monday.

I’ll let you know

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Happy Birthday To Me

So last night was interesting to say the least. My four friends and I went to a Mexican restaurant and took some girl’s table…they asked for an “Erica, party of 4” we didn’t have an Erica but we had a party of four.

So after dinner we went to pick up Ryan from work but we got there early so we decided to walk over to the Fillmore to buy tickets for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. While we were there this guy came up to us and offered us four free tickets to see the show that was going on tonight for Leftover Salmon (has anyone heard of them?) so we took em. And we started hustling them. The first ticket we just gave away because we didn’t even think about selling them. Then the next three we made $45 off of…which had a face value of $75…but whatever.

We picked up Ryan, took him to his house and then went over to this party where the guy:girl ratio was 4:1…which was nice but the girls were hos, and it wasn’t our scene so we left after about 30-45 minutes. I drove Nina and I to our bus stop…but it was already 12:45 and the last bus had gotten there at 12:21…even though she insisted that one would be coming along shortly. HA!

We sat there in the cold till 1:30. When our cab finally came and that was the night of my birthday.

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I’m Safe Here

Classes start on Wednesday. At times I get these panic attacks (although they aren’t panic attack by definition but I can’t think of another name for them) during which I realize this is my last two years of school, and after this I must “grow up”.

Even though my parents tell me I can always move back in with them after school is over, I really don’t want to. Who would, ya know? I mean yes it would be the easy way out, a return to the world I knew before, secure and comfortable..but it would totally stunt my growth as a person and I’d never experience all that I need to in order to make it in this world without them.

The more I think about it the more frightened I become. I feel like school is a safe haven for me, like since I am here I am following a path. I think that is the reason why I have thought about careers in teaching…to stay in the whole school aspect of life, so I don’t have to enter the job market.

Although I know that there are a lot more jobs out there that don’t involve wearing pumps, stockings, and suits to work I just can’t imagine them making money for me. Then again I know nothing about everything, if that makes any sense at all.