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I Was A Dancer All Along

Lykke Li, “Dance, Dance, Dance”

I’m in New York right now. Staying at Tracy’s… and I can’t sleep. My quarters are comfortable enough, it’s just that I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking. I was just thinking about the fact that I don’t have an anchor anymore and of course that snowballed into a big deal in my mind.

I guess I always try to keep those kinds of thoughts at bay because I know it’s just one of those things that will keep me up at night. Those kind of things creep up on me when I’m not seeing anyone in particular and I think, “I’m pretty much alone in life.”

It’s either no one or everyone. I know Jamie would be there for me if I needed her. At the same time I know there are certain family members (mom, dad, Auntie E) who would be as well. Though for some reason that isn’t enough to be comforting. I know they would be there for me in the event of an emergency like if I needed to be bailed out of jail or if I wound up in the hospital. But what about in the event that I need someone to sit on the couch and watch a movie with on a Friday night? Or if I needed someone to cook dinner with? When I need to be comforted who do I turn to? Myself.

I haven’t had an anchor for awhile now and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I know it definitely makes me a different person. I wonder if this is a bad thing. Perhaps I just need to get used to the idea of being completely autonomous (which I have been for some time now) even though I have a natural desire to be co-dependent. I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and when I think about where I want mine to go, sometimes I get scared when I realize I’m just planning for myself. I’m not saying that I want to plan someone else’s future, but I guess I kind of freak out when there are no guidelines for me to keep in mind. I’m not tracing along lines that are already there and adding flourishes where ever I feel they are appropriate. I am totally freehanding it and that scares me.

It’s sort of a lose-lose situation here. I can either be completely self-reliant and convince myself that I will be happier this way. Or I can admit that I am more comfortable when I have someone else in my life, and  realize how unhappy I am without one.

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“America, We Can Not Turn Back.”

I’m watching Barack Obama’s speech at the Democratic National Convention from last night. He’s a very good speaker and I do like him, but at the same time I always wonder how much of what he’s saying is actually what he is going to do. I’m always skeptical and untrusting of politicians, no matter how well liked they are.

I feel like he’s saying everything we want to hear but isn’t that the point? I mean isn’t that what he has to do to get elected? I don’t think I’ll be able to say whether or not he’d make a good president until after we’ve seen what he does. Of course, by that time it would be too late to turn back.

I guess I’m a cynic.

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High Flyin

Okay so this is my last post before I head off to the trapeze school. If I don’t return this will be my last farewell.

I do not regret the things that I have done but those I did not do.

That’s totally not true, I regret them equally.

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The Geeks Were Right

egghead boys with thin white legs
they’ve got modified features with software brains
but thats what the girls like
the geeks were right

when I saw the future the geeks were right

The new Faint album is out, and they’ve recognized the power of geekery.

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Blog-A-Log

Just wanted to post a quick update with some blogs I’ve found to be cool and interesting lately.

  • Moop : yeah, it’s a blog from a lady who makes bags. but I think it’s also a sort of personal blog and it’s just nice looking. so there, buy some stuff.
  • UrbanPhoto : I can’t remember how I stumbled on to it but I found this blog a few days ago and I’ve been looking through all the pictures. I haven’t gotten around to actually reading the blog but the pictures are enough for me at the moment. It’s like a little bit of tourism from my desk at work.
  • omg spoilerz, plz! : My friends Amy Racecar and The Floronic Man are avid comic book readers and have started a new blog to discuss comics, generally spilling spoilers any chance they get.
  • wallflour : is a new foodie blog that I came across via YELP. So far I just really like the design but I haven’t read many of the posts yet.
  • Daily Pep Talk From A Best Friend : I was perusing Tumblr the other day and came across this post. DPTFABF is a little make you feel good kinda thing. It’s nice to have those on the internet. Though, I just ran into a rather annoying interstitial ad unit that they have running which crashed my browser. I wish sites would realize that “any” advertising is not always “good” advertising.