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Zuki

I guess I never really noticed how much our family dog looked like a rat. I know a lot of people aren’t keen on chihuahuas because they do look rat like.

One of the downfalls of moving away from home is that I no longer get dog privileges. This means I don’t get to call her “my dog” because she never really was my dog. She belongs to my parents. One of the best things about her was that she was like a cat but better. It was like having a cat that was small and would sleep with you and keep your lap warm when you’re reading a book or watching television but without the attitude of a cat. She would ask for your attention but wouldn’t be obnoxious about it. Since moving out I don’t get to call her my dog. Of course, I could get my own dog but that would require me to purchase dog food and pay for medical bills, etc. Pets are expensive. One of the perks of living with my parents was getting to have a free dog. One that I didn’t have to really be responsible for out of duty but just for my own enjoyment.

ZukiDog

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See The World

I’ve decided I want to study abroad…or study ablad, as my mom says.

I’m considering the UK, either London or Swansea in Wales, maybe American Business School in Paris or a Univ. in Melbourne, Australia. I don’t know how economically possible this would be…or possible at all. I’ve only looked at some information on the website and narrowed down countries with participating schools. I need to attend a meeting tomorrow after I get out of work.

I’m quite excited about it but I don’t know if this will be like the time I tried to plan a trip to London for Spring Break and got all the information but stopped short at buying tickets and a bed at a hostel…or if it will be like me applying to go to school up here in San Francisco and actually moving from Los Angeles.

I think that moving up here has led me to believe that no matter where I end up I will have fun and survive. Hopefully that is the case. I’ve been thinking about pulling out my roots and floating into the wind a lot lately…to New York mostly. I don’t know why I feel this way. Was it watching a Felicity marathon on Sunday night that made me feel this way? Perhaps it was the feeling which urged me to put the DVD in and watch the story of another girl’s trek across the country. Maybe I’m searching for something. I guess San Francisco was my first baby step. What I’m searching for I really don’t know…so how will I know when I find it? I guess it’s like they say, “When you know you’ll know.” I keep telling people I’m trying to find myself…but I don’t really know what in myself is missing.

At this point I can only think of one thing that is missing and that is the love I have lost. I think that was my anchor and now that the rope has been severed my boat floats freely and will travel…but every boat must dock somewhere.

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Rhapsody in Blue

Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue has this weird affect on me. It makes me feel nostalgic and think back on the days when I was young. It reminds me of the cool tile of my parent’s master bathroom. It makes me think of lazy Saturdays.

Or family vacations, like the one we took to Hawaii when I was too young to remember anything except buying one of those pearl oysters from the sidewalk stands. I had the pearl put onto a whale’s tale necklace for good luck. I remember being really sad when I lost it in the shower. I think it went down the drain. Just the pearl, not the whole necklace.

The strange thing is that I can’t remember why Rhapsody in Blue would evoke these memories. I really like the feeling it brings, which may be why I’ve had it stuck in my head for the past week. It’s just…odd.

I know they have airline commercials featuring this song nowadays. Did they used to? Can anyone remember if Delta used it? My mom and I used to fly Delta all the time. I was in the airline kids club. I’d get the newsletter from Dusty the aviator Lion. I had special meals when I flew. I got the little Delta wings pin.

It’s a good feeling. I sound like rain man. Yeah, I like it. Good feeling. It’s good.

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Father Knows Best

My dad is so cute. Apparently my mommy spilled the beans about my love woes to everybody in the family because I’ve gotten calls from my aunt and my dad. My dad’s call was the best because we don’t really talk about serious issues. And when they do come up in conversation it’s usually us arguing and disagreeing about whatever.

Anyway, he called me and was trying to talk to me in English but he can’t really express himself as well as he could in Chinese so then he switches to Chinese with some English words in every now and then.

He asked me what was wrong because he heard me talking to my mom about it last night for about an hour. I told him I was thinking about moving back home at the end of the year. He told me that love is hard and the my first love probably won’t be my last and that I am still young and there is still a lot of time for me. He said moving back home won’t fix anything for long. It was funny because that wasn’t the reason why I’d be moving home.

I told him about Daniel wanting to get married when we get older and starting a family together. My dad was actually ok with it! He said that he and my mom were apart for about five years during the war and he was in the army. He said that after school I could move back home and maybe we could pick it up from there. If it was meant to be. If not then there is no point in forcing it.

I was so happy that my parents didn’t have a negative word to say about the whole situation. It felt so good to have my parents be supportive of me. I hadn’t told them anything about Daniel and I during all the years we were together, but now I’m glad that they know. It puts my mind at ease and my heart on a higher plane.

They are planning to come see me this weekend. Which will be cool because my roomate will be gone this weekend for her birthday and the whole apartment will be mine! sweet eh?

I just felt like I knew where I was going now and I knew what needed to be done.

The world is my oyster. (What does that mean exactly?)

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Svefn-g-englar

Being home in bed right now makes me feel the same dead end, going nowhere, boring life nostalgia that made me leave this place. I don’t know if it’s because I’m listening to depressing music or what, but I feel it and it’s scaring me.

My dad was talking about selling my car. I think he very well should. I mean it’s just sitting around depreciating when it could be sold and the money could be sitting around earning intrest.

The back of my throat is still a bed of infection, which must make a certain someone really happy since he gets to kiss me while I’m here. Should I be concerned that it’s been like this for a week and is not getting better? Am I going to die?