I’ll Show YOU!

Did you used to watch Doogie Howser? Remember at the end of each episode he would write a journal entry on his computer? He would write one or two sentences about the events that happened in the episode that week. Thinking back on it now those entries would make no sense at all and would be totally cryptic because he never actually wrote down what happened, just some kind of reflection on what happened.

I can’t go to sleep. I don’t know if it’s because I’m racked with guilt (is that the expression?) because my roommate has chosen to sleep in the living room instead of the bedroom (which we share) because I’m pissed so I turned on the lights and TV.

Or can’t I sleep because I’m pissed off at her because we went to a friend’s house and I was so tired I was falling asleep in my friends room while she continued to try to get close with Julie’s roommate, who she has a crush on. I’m all for her getting with Gabe (except for the fact that he has a girlfriend, which apparently doesn’t bother Jill at all) but not if she’s going to disregard all responsibility (she was my ride home) to try to get in him to make out with her or whatever her intentions were. Either way, pissed or guilty, I can’t sleep.

I called my “friend” so that I could talk to him, maybe calm down, maybe feel comforted. He’s the only person I can call whenever I need to because he’s the only one I don’t have a problem waking up, he doesn’t mind. He didn’t answer, all five times. He was at a club, which is good, I’m happy for him but after finding out that he was out having fun I didn’t want to talk to him after all. I don’t want to talk to someone who was just out having a good time while I’m home having a shitty time, needing some kind of comfort, some reassurance, just something nice.

Whistle While You Work

I made my roommates do dishes this morning…and they’re grumpy!

I was doing the trash… well, taking it out, and one of my roommates comes into the kitchen, rinses out her cereal bowl and was about to set it on top of the pile of dirty dishes in the sink when I say, “You know, the dishes in the dishwasher are clean.” So she knows I want her to put the dishes away and put her dish into the dishwasher herself.

“Oh, they are?” She takes a peek. Yes, they are clean and dry. So she has to put them all away while I take the trash to the garbage chute.

I come back to find that the dishwasher is now empty but the pile of dirty dishes is still in the sink. For fuck’s sake, is it really a difficult task to put dishes into a washer? I do it whenever they don’t… which is EVERY TIME!!!

So then my other roommate comes out and sees the dishes…and since I made a verbal note about the dishes yesterday, and since she knows she NEVER does them…she started rinsing them and putting them into the washer. You can tell when she’s upset, she never hides it well.

Do I feel bad? HELL NO! I shouldn’t have to, and there is not reason to make me feel guilty for knowing the dishes were dirty and not doing anything about it. I just took out the trash…and I was the one who loaded up the dishwasher yesterday so that they were clean and dry by today! So everyone can be grumpy and F*** the hell OFF!

I’m not mad, I’m satisfied.

Party Hard

I’m on my way to the sick tank.

I have a sore throat. I think it’s because of the three or four nights in a row that I spent out last weekend. I’m a party lightweight and I need to recuperate. Which really sucks because the Dave is going to be shipping out soon and I wanted to party with the SGSF crew tonight.

I’m tired as hell though, which is why I’m going to sleep now.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Imma go see Har Mar Supastar and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs tonite!

I only have two hours before I need to be at Joanie’s house. I bettah go git ready.

I was spelling badly on purpose.

UPDATE~ the morning after:

I look “to’ up” or is it toe up? I always thought it was the ghetto version of “tore” which would translate into “to'”.

I went to the offical afterparty where Nick was DJing, thanks to my inside hook-up connection. I met him and mentally humped him and he signed my poster. He did interviews for the new SG magazine. He said he liked my SG sweatshirt…yeah, that’s right.

ok now I need to shower.

The One Thing I Miss The Most

On Saturday night I was back in my hometown and I fell asleep next to the boy. I woke up and I was thinking:

“I miss this, I miss this so much and I will not get to have this for a very, very long time. Tomorrow I will be going back to S.F. and away from everything I grew up with, everyone I grew up loving.”

I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to give up the comfortable, familiar love of home. Home is so much more than just a word for me, it’s my world. Like everything that is not home is a vacation, even if I move it will not be “home”. Like now, where I am right now, this is not home.

I miss Daniel most of all, out of everything. Being in my room, it didn’t even feel like my room so much. I mean it felt like my house which is home, but I could bear to leave, but Daniel’s bedroom…I wanted to stay there forever