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Sisters?

I feel so out of touch with everyone at home. I don’t understand how I can make people at home realize that I need to be here now and that I’m trying to experience life here, meet people and what not.

Speaking of, my roommate wants me to rush a sorority with her. It’s totally not my thing. I can’t be social around people all the time. I mean without being weird. I think that I have an odd, childish personality at times and I think that other people are not used to it…or maybe they might find me immature, I don’t know.

Anyways, I think I might be starting my period soon because I kinda blew up at her today about joining a sorority. I started talking very loudly about how that’s not the kind of person I am and that I can’t stand those people. Thinking back on it now I think that generalizing people like that is something that i really dislike of others and I am disappointed that I was so quick to judge people I didn’t even know yet. So maybe I will attend the open house with her next Monday.

I’ll let you know

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I’m Safe Here

Classes start on Wednesday. At times I get these panic attacks (although they aren’t panic attack by definition but I can’t think of another name for them) during which I realize this is my last two years of school, and after this I must “grow up”.

Even though my parents tell me I can always move back in with them after school is over, I really don’t want to. Who would, ya know? I mean yes it would be the easy way out, a return to the world I knew before, secure and comfortable..but it would totally stunt my growth as a person and I’d never experience all that I need to in order to make it in this world without them.

The more I think about it the more frightened I become. I feel like school is a safe haven for me, like since I am here I am following a path. I think that is the reason why I have thought about careers in teaching…to stay in the whole school aspect of life, so I don’t have to enter the job market.

Although I know that there are a lot more jobs out there that don’t involve wearing pumps, stockings, and suits to work I just can’t imagine them making money for me. Then again I know nothing about everything, if that makes any sense at all.

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Reporting From The Bay Area

Friday: woke up at 6 in the AM and started driving with the family to San Francisco. Arrived at the school at around 2 pm.

Saturday: Went to Target with the family to buy towels and other stuff I might have forgotten. Got back home and met my roommate, Jill. Went to a party that night and then down the street to another get together.

Today: woke up and then attended the SGSF stitch n bitch. now I’m sitting alone in the apartment while my drinking age roomies are bar hopping. it’s cool though, I don’t care, I get to take out the trash…maybe I’ll meet someone cool in the hallway.

I feel like I used to actually have thoughts…not lately, I haven’t had time to think. or maybe I believe that if I start thinking that I will start to feel homesick. I think I just need my own room. I also miss sounds of other people in the house, I miss my TV stations, I miss my Daniel. I’ll bet he doesn’t miss me.