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Friends and Memories

Music: Badly Drawn Boy: Silent Sigh
Color scheme: Dark Brooding Red and Empty Black
Mood: content

I feel like slipping into cool crisp cotton sheets on a windy November afternoon with a warm mug of hot cocoa and some caramel popcorn. A red shag rug next to my bed. The soft sunlight washes in through the curtains and turns the black into blue grey. The phone rings and it’s a familiar voice that I haven’t heard in a very long time. We catch up on the last one and a half years while I watch When Harry Met Sally on mute.

It’s good to be in the company of true friends. The kind who don’t judge and are always warm and welcoming. They give you the same feeling as returning to your Elementary School and realizing how small everything is now, seeing where you used to play tag, the swings you fell off, and where you cried when you realized how much it really hurt to lose someone.

I wish life were as simple as that. No reminders floating around in the back of your head about appointments and to do lists while you drive to work late. No deciding which bills to pay on time and which bills to pay late because you’ve gone over budget again this month. No feeling disappointed and alone when that guy you met at Starbucks didn’t call, or the guy from the newspaper stand, or the blind date. No being annoyed when your loser ex calls and asks to see you again. No wishing your dad was still around to take you to the circus and wishing you could still talk to your mother.

Okay, you get it. I’ll stop now.

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Wish I Was Someone Else

I feel so translucent.

Translucent is the equivalent of stupid/meaningless/dense. I used to think really deep thoughts. I find it’s a lot easier to deal with life when your head is empty… but in order to be like that I need to trade in all meaningful conversation, intelligence and depth for trendy clothes and general air headed politeness.

That’s the only way to fit in with society, to dilute your personality and opinions. I like it because it makes things simpler but I hate it because it makes me look stupid. AND if I want money I need to grow some balls and become absolutely ruthless…not afraid to stab people in the back, kiss ass, and act superior…I hate this the most because it takes the most effort to act this way.

What am I supposed to do?

Somebody turn me into a mermaid.

side note: various fireworks started at around 8:20 pm….sirens started at 9:03 pm.

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Roadtrip Recap

OK so…*rubbing palms together* let’s get down to business.
THE INSTIGATOR: My long weekend absence from any internet connection has caused me to loose touch with all of you

THE MISSION: Fill me in on what you’ve been up to in the past four days…the summarized version.

THE OUTCOME: I’ll get caught up on everything and it’ll be like I never left…although, confusion is part of who I am so that will never be avoided.

Here’s my story:
I had lotsa fun and met a crap load of new people this weekend. I drove to San Francisco with Maxx, or rather I rode with Maxx to San Francisco. So not all that was planned actually happened.

Friday – On friday I DID go clubbing. It was pretty fun, stayed up ’till about 6 a.m. I some SG people… dave_h, jazmin, trillian, ava, coco, tuffy, 660, captin kungfu, olivia and s5.

We went to a bar called Jezebels on Friday night and drank half an old fashioned glass of Sake and it kicked my ass, meaning I was really red and getting “the shivers” (“the shivers”= I get really shaky and shivery and my teeth start chattering but I am NOT cold, in fact I’m so hot you could burn your eyes just looking at me, that sounded kinda conceited, that’s not what I meant).

RIGHT, so then we went to Fake and I shook some booty with Jazmin, Sara, Nicole, and Dave. Disco Stu was there too! ha ha.

Then I almost died several times whilst sitting nervously in Sara’s car while she tried to “drive” Dave, Jazmin and I to Sparky’s to get food. Of course I’m the only sober one in the vehicle but I don’t know my way around. Finally we made it to the diner and met up with Maxx and Steve and Olivia. went to sleep some time after the sun came up on Saturday…it was an interesting evening.

Saturday – Went to fisherman’s wharf and the pier area with Maxx and stalked “onefoolishline”. Then went to dinner with Dave and Nicole. I love curry now… or just the chicken tiki(?) masala that I got at New Delhi. I’m definitely adding Indian food to my list of things to do again. Later Dave, Jazmin, and I rented (in Dave’s singing voice) 24 Hour Party People but I fell asleep for the last 30 minutes or so….HEY! I’m sick and stuff, lay off.

Sunday – Met up with my friend Joanie from high school on Haight. Went to Amoeba and bought some vinyl (QOTSA “Go With the Flow” 12″ on clear vinyl, Pet Shop Boys’ “Love Comes Quickly” vinyl, and The English Beat’s “I Just Can’t Stop It.”) Also ate the best nachos in the world: Sweet Heat on Haight St near Cole, I think. Get the Nachos Sambrosa with steak, guacamole and sour cream. a half order is more than enough for one person. Went to Arrow and got burnt by a fucking cigarette…yes, people were smoking inside the bar, this is illegal in California but whatever. I wouldn’t mind as much if people weren’t packed in like sardines and I didn’t get burnt by some drunk girl.

Monday – went to a friend of a friend’s daughter’s birthday BBQ. It was fun. Watched her throw legos and rocks, but not her birthday cake. Ate TOO many hot dogs…even before the BBQ. Rode the ferry, played word association for almost a full hour, watched Biloxi Blues…

Home today….and that’s my story, the condensed version.

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We Are The Dreamers of Dreams

I’m getting into one of my “I have a boring life and I need to do something exciting with it” moments again. I hate that…I never end up doing anything,

Earth is so huge and yet I feel like there is nowhere to go. Beyond the many continents, countries and cultures that this planet holds, there is nothing else for me here.

There is no secret passage to Narnia where I can find real magic. My Pegasus and unicorn are not waiting for me in a field of sunflowers. My mermaid friends are not waiting for me to go explore the depths and swim with whales. There is no flying carpet hovering outside my window for me. There is only reality….the bitterness and struggle of life in modern society and I have to live with it because I cannot change it.

I hope one day science and technology can force imagination into reality. Maybe then there will be hope for fairytale love. (no, I’m not lonely. It’s just another one of those imaginary things I wish existed)

We are the music-makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.