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Imaginary World

So I bought a super lotto ticket the other day because the jackpot was something like $300,000,000 and I started imagining what I would do with that kind of money.

I would give 1 million each to all my co-workers. I think we all deserve it. I’d of course take care of any of my own debt as well as that of my parents and put money away for my sister’s college education.

I’d probably purchase some real estate. A place where I could retire when I get older. Then I would travel the world, go backpacking through Europe, I don’t really want to take the easy road for everything, the money would just be my safety net. Then I’d probably start a couple businesses. Not really sure what kind of businesses but I’d have as much time as I wanted to figure that part out.

This is of course the same way that people find out what they really want to do in life. I was never able to mentally put myself in a situation in which I had the means to do whatever I wanted, so I felt like this never worked for me. Somehow. imagining winning $300 million worked for me.

Thinking about it now though (and realistically) the best and most successful businesses come from people who are doing things that they love so much they would never give up on them. That would be the tricky part. I have the capital to start a business but do I have the devotion to make it a success? I guess I just have to find out what my passion is.

Oh, I didn’t win, by the way. Didn’t match any numbers at all.

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Constructive Criticism Sold Here!

Recently I’ve noticed a number of close friends, minor acquaintances, and friends of friends who have been either getting engaged, getting married, having babies, buying homes, moving in together, etc. and being surrounded by all of this I can’t help but be aware of my age and thinking “What the hell am I doing?”

If you know me, you know that I am not in any way a babymaker or homemaker. I’m not saying I want to settle down, get married, buy a house and start raising a family. Not right now anyway and for some of those things possibly not ever. I guess I just feel like everyone around me is moving through life and I’m just… not.

The silly part is that I’ve always told myself, and others, that I believe everyone works on their own time line and that things happen to everyone when they should happen (not bad things but you know, “things” in general). Despite my personal philosophy though, it’s hard to not notice when the life timelines of everyone else seems to be on the same track and mine is just not.  It’s sort of like knowing you can’t attend a party but feeling a little left out because you didn’t receive an invitation. Which, of course, is irrational and totally stupid.

It makes me wonder if maybe, possibly… there’s something wrong with me.

I know what you’re thinking, “What?! NO! There’s nothing wrong with you. That stuff will happen to you too, it’s just not happening right now.” Or maybe you’re not thinking that at all and you’re actually thinking, “Yeah I can think of a few things wrong with you but I can’t tell you because that would be rude of me.” Of course all my friends are nice. They are decent people and they like me, so they would never think of telling me about the qualities about me that they dislike. So what I really need is to find someone to tell me what is wrong with me. There must be a person who can offer these services, right? Actually, I think that lady from Millionaire Matchmaker could probably do that, but she comes with a pretty hefty fee, the kind of money that I don’t have.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re my friend, next time I say something along the lines of: “What the hell is wrong with me?” You should definitely tell me. Think of it as doing me a favor.

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Level 27

I am now the ripe old age of 27. I bought a new faux leather jacket this weekend. I’m going to apply for my own passport soon. I feel like an adult now.

So I set up a dinner and drinks event for my birthday this year. Pictures can be found here. Ashima ended up booking a flight the morning of my birthday and flew down from SF for the weekend. We had a slumber party with Jamie that night after the bar and dinner hijinks. Had a girls day out on Sunday which included brunch, shopping, cupcakes and dinner.

In other news,  my friend Darren twittered the other day that he was looking into pet relocation services since he is thinking about moving to London and needs to get his Pancake over there. I eagerly volunteered myself for that service. I hope I actually get to go to England this year. I’ve never been to Europe and this seems like the perfect opportunity. I’m finally in a place where I actually might be able to afford it and would have someone to hang out with. So yeah. I’m quite excited about the possibility though nothing is for sure yet. I looked into passport services since I’m pretty sure mine is now expired. I’ve never applied for my own passport before.

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What’s A Girl To Do?

For a very long time I considered myself an analyst, but not in the sense that I get paid for analyzing things. My analyzing is mostly about my own life and romantic relationships.

Apparently I’m not alone, not that I ever thought I was. Today I’ve come across two editorials about just that sort of thing that I’ve been worried about since,  well seems like since I was 13 or so. The Observer has a post about the Cautionary Matron, older, wiser women entering into their 40s either unwed or divorced and “realizing that ‘having it all’ was really a lie.” They learned that their dreams of having a career, getting married, having a family and being successful in all those aspects didn’t really work out the way they had planned – or the way they had been led to believe.

Of course in the middle of reading The Observer’s post I stumbled across Jezebel’s piece on Marcus Buckingham‘s suggestion that women should outsource parts of their lives so they can stop worrying about it. Dear Marcus, I don’t think letting someone else take care of our laundry is going to make us stop worrying if they are going to shrink our favorite sweater.  Though,  I understand his point about the importance of “the now” instead of the past or future.

Still, it all  seems to just bring up more stuff to worry about, the Cautionary Matron article especially. Though it sort of confirms and further cements my hunch that I’m going to die alone. No biggie though, at least I know what’s coming.

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One Decision

So for about a year or so I’ve been thinking about where I want to move next. I’ve been thinking about my whole future actually but that never tends to work out so well so I figured I should concentrate on my 5, even 3, year plan.

I know I want to explore the world and I don’t really know where I want to settle down just yet. I’ve done Los Angeles, I’ve done San Francisco. So my plan was to try and figure it out. I made up a list of cities that I’d consider living and told myself I’d go visit those cities. These cities included New York (I’ve been there several times before), Portland (check, did that last year), Seattle, Chicago, Vancouver, and Washinton D.C.

The thing is, I think I’m still in love with San Francisco. So what am I doing?

Am I forcing myself to see what else is out there because I don’t want to settle for what I’ve already had? What is more important? Going with what I want right now? Or planning for the future?

So I’ve recently decided that I should just go with it. If San Francisco is what I’m feeling then San Francisco is where I should be. And if it doesn’t work out, I can try other cities. No one is making me stay there forever. Who knows what will happen in the future, maybe I’ll end up in Cardiff or something, but I know for right now, I still love SF.