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One Decision

So for about a year or so I’ve been thinking about where I want to move next. I’ve been thinking about my whole future actually but that never tends to work out so well so I figured I should concentrate on my 5, even 3, year plan.

I know I want to explore the world and I don’t really know where I want to settle down just yet. I’ve done Los Angeles, I’ve done San Francisco. So my plan was to try and figure it out. I made up a list of cities that I’d consider living and told myself I’d go visit those cities. These cities included New York (I’ve been there several times before), Portland (check, did that last year), Seattle, Chicago, Vancouver, and Washinton D.C.

The thing is, I think I’m still in love with San Francisco. So what am I doing?

Am I forcing myself to see what else is out there because I don’t want to settle for what I’ve already had? What is more important? Going with what I want right now? Or planning for the future?

So I’ve recently decided that I should just go with it. If San Francisco is what I’m feeling then San Francisco is where I should be. And if it doesn’t work out, I can try other cities. No one is making me stay there forever. Who knows what will happen in the future, maybe I’ll end up in Cardiff or something, but I know for right now, I still love SF.

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Home is where… ?

So it’s time to move again. I feel like I have to much experience with this but then again I guess there are a lot more people who have moved more times than I have.

Let’s see there was 1. from my parents’ house to the on campus apt in San Francisco. 2. the villas to the apt in the Fillmore. 3. The Fillmore to the house on San Juan, 4. from the house on San Juan back to my parents’ place, and finally 5. from my parents’ house to Highland Park.

Five times, I’ve moved five times since I graduated high school. It doesn’t seem like a big number but I guess it’s kind of a lot. Of all the places I’ve lived since then I think this apartment is the longest I’ve ever stayed in any one place. Been in Highland park for 2 years now, doesn’t seem that long at all. I’ve noticed that as you get older time seems to go by faster. I guess when you’re in school things sort of change yearly and even quarterly, you just get so used to change that you can’t imagine sticking with any one thing for more than a year.

I actually think I miss that. Maybe that explains why I’m so frustrated with life as it is now. Frustrated is really the best word I can think of to describe this feeling. It’s sort of a constant restlessness but at the same time I want to give up on everything. I’m not sure why this feeling is here, or what is causing it and thus I have no idea how to make it disappear. I think I just need to make major changes. But I’ve never made changes without thinking too much about them first. So I guess I’m still in that stage.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, I’m planning on moving. Hopefully to Silver Lake or Echo Park. We’ll see.

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Bad News, Good News

bad news: Cassia is moving out.

good news: Cassia and JG are moving into the apt on the other side of the building!

bad news: Jane might be moving out.

good news: Julie might be moving in!

bad news: I’m giving up my big bedroom with the private porch.

good news: I’ll be paying about $200 less in rent while still staying in the same apt!

bad news: I seem to be becoming more of a misanthrope everyday.

good news: It seems that most people I talk to about it feel sort of the same!

bad news: I’m missing certain people

good news: …

I’m not sure if there is any, I mean, Julie is coming back for the summer and while I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her again I know she’ll be gone soon. People seem to come and go from my life and while I do enjoy the time I spend with them I’m always sad when that time comes to an end.

Auntie Evelyn has told me about the whole “everyone serves a purpose” thing in life. There are some people who come and go from your life and others who are there for the long haul. Everyone serves a purpose, either you meet them at a certain point and time and they help you get through something. Perhaps they help you experience something new. In any case they are there, and then they are gone, and that is how it is supposed to be.

While I can certainly appreciate the effort to make sense of something that really can’t be explained but just happens (cause that is life) I kind of do not accept this. I don’t think I ever have, really. Might seem a little sad (or desperate?) but I think I’ve always tried to stay open to people who’ve wanted to stay in touch and it seems that I have a habit of giving people a second chance (or third, fourth, fifth, nth chance) because, well I guess there’s always the chance that they really did change.

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This and That

Updates, list style (because who has the time anymore?)

This:

  • new bike as of 5/19
  • new bike injuries as of 5/23
  • my iPod is officially deceased as of 5/22
  • I’ve started reading more comics (Optic Nerve, Stephen King’s Dark Tower series)

That:

  • Julie is moving to Austin, TX
  • Joss and Jeremy are moving to San Leandro, CA
  • Rachel and Randy are moving to Seattle, WA
  • Sean is moving to San Francisco, CA
  • I’m staying put and need to make new friends